The Life That I Really Want
by thereisnooneelse
Summary: Stendan fluff Ste Hay is moving on with husband Douglas. Nobody said moving on was going to be easy...


_**Please review. :)**_

_**"No sweetheart, Brendan ain't coming back".**_

Saying these words out loud has made his reality so clear.

Brendan ain't coming back.

Ste holds in the tears and pushes the memories threatening to come to the front of his mind back to the place where they belong... in the past.

Ste's resigned to the fact that he now has to build a new life, a good life, with Doug. It's called moving on.

Doug's great for him. He really is. He's the one that has been there for Ste these last few weeks. He hasn't left Ste's side for one minute. Ste owes it to Doug to move on. Ste owes it to Doug to return his love. Ste is now sure that he can do that. He can build a safe, loving future with Doug. He's so good for him. Ste knows deep down that he doesn't deserve Doug. Ste knows and he's so grateful that he gets a second chance at happiness with him. It's fate. Destiny. He clears his head, takes his daughter by the hand and walks back to their flat, back to his loving husband, his mind set on finally moving on.

**_One month later_**

"One more week Ste and we are out of here". Doug is beaming the most beautiful smile at Ste from their living room.

"Can't wait". Ste smiles and plonks himself on the settee next to his husband. They snuggle up together and Ste finds himself feeling a bit frisky. He kisses Doug's throat and notices how Doug's skin is nice and smooth and he smells delicious.

"Gissa proper kiss then" Ste donkey laughs as Doug wiggles his eyebrows at him.

They end up having sex. It's nice, really nice. Doug is a passionate and caring lover. But sometimes Ste feels frustrated that Doug doesn't like sex a bit rougher. Or maybe a bit more spontaneous? The sex is lovely. But its always in a bed. It's always the same position. Ste would love to just be so caught up in a moment that they just have to have each other then and there and they end up not caring who catches them or where they are. What's wrong with wanting a bit of lust in your life?

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Doug looks up into Ste's face from where he's resting his head on his chest.

"You, me, a new life". Ste's cheeks go slightly pink at the lie he's just told and he wonders if Doug notices.

The clock on the cabinet by the bed catches Ste's gaze causing him to jump out of bed, scrambling for his clothes.

"Fuck sake, we're going to be late for that Welcome Home party we are catering for". Doug dives out of bed and starts frantically putting on his chinos.

"Where's this party at again Ste?" Doug's asks while fighting to do up the buttons on his shirt properly.

"Don't know. They said they'd ring us later with the address. It was well strange that phone conversation".

**_Two days ago_**

_"Hello. Carter and Hay. Can I help you?". Ste was keeping a watchful eye on Leah but trying to concentrate on the phone at the same time._

_"Hi. This is Dan. Can I book you to cater for a Welcome Home party I'm throwing for an old mate of mine in two days time?"._

_"Yeah, no problem. Can I have the name of the place the party's at, how many people will be attending and the time please?" Ste's focus is on Leah who's currently decided she's the Head Chef of Carter and Hay and is throwing the food all over the shop._

_"I'll ring you in two days when the venue's been sorted. The number of people? Not many. I can't say that my mate has a lot of friends. Maybe 10 people? Sorry for not being very helpful This is a spur of the moment thing. I didn't think we'd be having this party for a few years". Dan gives a nervous laugh which intrigues Ste._

_"No problem mate. Time?" Ste's giving Leah the stern dad look but this only makes Leah more determined to make more of a mess than she previously was. She now looks like she is making a jam, ham and bacon sandwich._

_"Umm, let's say 9.30pm?" Dan sighs and Ste can hear a women's voice in the background. Probably the television._

_"Ok, mate 9.30pm. Just remember to ring with the venue, ok?"_

_"No problem. Thank you Ste". The phonecall ends abruptly and Ste's attention is straight back onto Leah._

_"Get over here miss" Leah makes a run for the door but Ste's there just in time._

_"Right, you gonna help me clean up this mess?" Leah giggles and Ste can't help but laugh._

**Present Day **

The thought hits Ste like a steam train as he and Doug are preparing the last of the food for the party.

The knife Ste's been buttering the sandwiches with falls to the floor and the noise vibrates around the Deli.

"What is it Ste?" Doug rushes over and puts his hands either side of Ste's face. Doug notices the thin veil of sweat that's broken out on his husband's face and that Ste is now ghostly white and shaking slightly.

"That order I took Doug, for this party?" Ste looks really confused, his eyes not meeting Doug's.

"What about it Ste?" Doug tilts up Ste's chin so that he can look directly into his eyes.

Ste takes in a shaky breath.

"The guy called me Ste".

Doug starts to laugh. "Well that's your name innit?"

"Yeah, but I didn't tell him my name, Doug!" Ste grips the side of the counter. He suddenly feels like he's going to pass out.

"Ste, what's going on?" Doug is really freaking out now. Ste's in a right state and Doug doesn't know why? So what if someone knows his name? Doug really doesn't understand what the hell is going on.

"Oh my god!. It's time, Doug. He said this is what would happen one day but I never let myself believe it". "I'm not ready yet. I need a bit more time to get myself together. I look awful". Ste's voice breaks and he starts to cry.

"Ste. Please.. tell me what the hell is going on?" Doug is getting really concerned now. He's never seen Ste so worked up before. This is really unnerving him.

"I, I..." Ste is silenced as both him and Doug slowly turn to the front door as it opens and their whole world comes crashing down. Doug's jaw hits the floor and Ste's head starts to spin as they take in the sight before them.

The last thing Ste remembers is the Deli floor coming up to meet him as he passes out.


End file.
